the Calm Before the Storm
by Zutarawasrobbed
Summary: The calm before the storm. That's what they call it... He calls it regret.
1. Chapter 1

The calm before the storm. That's what they call it. When you can feel the silence and hear the thrumming of your heart, reach your ears. The calm is quiet- too quiet. Everything feels the same- peaceful even. But he knows. Oh... he knows. Somethings coming. Something strong.

* * *

The first few days on his journey back to the Fire Nation leave him feeling numb, things were supposed to be different, he was supposed to feel _right_. But he feels so wrong. Days pass and decides his apprehension is due to his conditioning, from living on the run all these years. This sinking feeling in his gut stems from the memories of his banishment. A banishment now ended with a price of blood and death...

* * *

Zuko finds comfort. As much as he can from a girl whose eyes hold glimpses of a soul, she has shown to no one. Not even him. She's a comfort to him because she doesn't want anything but who he's meant to be, the crown prince of the Fire Nation. She doesn't pry into his feelings- she actually quite detests them. It's a relief to be with someone as angry at the world as he is. She lets him avoid his miserable thoughts. She makes him feel like _someone _understands him.

Her touch is an escape, one that gives him as much comfort as it does clarity. Her lips are cold, and it fits him, a cold hand for his numbing feelings. A cold embrace devoid of warmth for his tattered mind and a cold kiss for a shattered soul...

* * *

His arrival to the Caldera is as he expects. Mixed with eyes of suspicion and pride. He shudders at the suspicious ones, he sighs at the prideful. A parade is held in his honor. _Honor _, that's what he did this for. His honor.

* * *

The first time he sees his father's eyes, he feels a sense of fear. But instead of disdain, the Fire Lord looks at him with pride. A pride that makes him feel sick. But it's his words that undo him, _"I'm proud of you, son." _

* * *

This is when it starts. The calm ends and Zuko feels the pieces of himself being stripped away, forcing him to face the consequences of what he's done, what he's lost, _who _he's lost. Yes, the storm has begun.

* * *

He tries to warn as many who will listen that something isn't right. But Mai, whose touch was a comfort, is now just a slight feeling of pressure. When she kisses him to say he's worrying over nothing, it's no longer a reminder of their shared anger at the world. It's just empty, and he feels alone.

* * *

The storm's presence increases in Ember Island.

Azula thought it was a great idea to send go on a vacation. Nothing goes right. He tries harder to make that feeling go away. That feeling of helplessness and loneliness. He tries to find Mai, she's the _one _thing that he hopes can keep him grounded to this fragile reality he's created for himself.

* * *

Instead of reassurance, he feels jealousy. He watches as Mai talks to another boy with a smile. The fire in his heart is awakened, and instead of finding comfort, he gets into a fight. The fight does nothing to help his anger, he feels nothing. No pain, no satisfaction at seeing the man fall and lose. _Nothing. _

* * *

The reality of his situation hits him like a brick as he stares at the ocean. The moon is high, and its presence feels like it's mocking him. Even so, being this close to the moon and the sea grants him comfort and clarity.

Zuko looks up at the bright moon and sighs out a breath he didn't know he was holding in. "I don't know what to do. why do I feel so hopeless?"

Of course, there's no response, but he continues to talk anyways, in hopes that some spirit out there will answer him.

* * *

The last day on the beach is tense. Mai leaves to the Earth Kingdom to "be with family" although Zuko can see Azula knows it's just an excuse to get away for him.

Zuko walks over and says his goodbyes. Mai responds with a stiff nod, and they head their separate ways.

* * *

He came to Ember island with a girlfriend and a false sense of mental security. He leaves with neither.

* * *

Upon his return, Zuko sulks in his room, only finding relief in the cover of night. Conversing with a rock in the sky, he knows can't answer him. But he still talks. He still talks because it's still something.

* * *

Whispers have started to spread about the crown prince's conversations to the moon. People call him crazy. Say he's paranoid. Some even call it the result of a wounded heart.

But Zuko knows it's none of those things. He wishes it was. That would make things so much easier. But today is his first war meeting since he was banished, and now he knows the storm isn't physical but in his mind.

* * *

The meeting begins, and the thunder crackles to life with his father's presence. The questions he asks about the Earth Kingdom makes him feel sick. But it's the words that fall from his sister's lips that rips the clouds across the sky and strikes lightning into his veins.

Something inside him breaks and shatters. And just like that, he's-

* * *

Everything slows down until it just _stops _. He watches as the room, and everyone in it stands still, including himself. He tried to move, but while his spirit does. His body doesn't.

He knows he's not dead. He can tell because he can still feel the breath leaving his lungs that lay frozen in time. Nevertheless, he is _baffled _, and as he's about to voice his thoughts, the room shifts. He's transported to a place he can't name, but there is a strange sense of familiarity that lingers in the air. He follows, the closer he gets to that feeling, the more alive he feels.

He runs faster and faster to the warmth that grows stronger, the closer he gets. Tears spring from his eyes and his heart pounds in his chest. He's so close he sees Blu-

The scene changes, and suddenly he's surrounded by waves that surround him. What he sees in them is what makes his tears fall as he's flooded with memories he's tried so hard to forget.

"_It's time for you to choose good." _

"_The Fire nation took my mother from me." _

"_What if you could be free of it?" _

"_I've been saving it for something important." _

_"I thought you changed." _

The waves move faster and faster around him as he falls to the ground, waiting for the waves to take him.

They stop…

They're not gone… they're frozen in time. Just like the war meeting.

"Why?"

Zuko stiffens at the sound of _that _voice. How fragile, lost and _sad _it sounds. Because he knows he did this. He _knows _he is responsible.

He turns to see the real source of his anguish. _Katara. _She looks as tired and broken down as he _feels _. Her voice is darker and filled with sadness.

"Katara I-" He stops himself before he tries to make up an excuse. He's tired of running. He's so fucking tired because, of course, he knows what she's asking about, and he _can't _lie to her. He's never been able to. So he tells the truth, he shows her such unfiltered honesty it threatens to tear him apart. "I don't know." He looks down in shame.

The sound of her footsteps echoes as she walks closer to him. Until she is directly in front of him, forcing him to look into her eyes. "Do you regret it?" She whispers his name as if it's made of glass. "Zuko..."

She sees it. She must. She must see the pain in his eyes. The tears that have yet to fall, the ones that already have. He short circuits and says the only thing that comes to mind in a whisper. "I have changed." He closes his eyes, allowing the last of his tears to fall.

A hand on his scar forces him to open his eyes. "I know." She whispers. Her hand finds his, and she raises her lips to his burnt flesh. "Come back to me, Zuko."

His emotions roar to life, and the waves crash around him as he feels the weight he's been carrying in his soul vanish.

He feels his conscious slipping, he knows he's running out of time. He has to know. "How are you here? are you real?"

He feels himself slipping but stays grounded a moment longer as she takes both of her hands in his. One hand feels heavier. But right as she opens her mouth to speak- he's pulled back into his body among the living as if no time had passed. His hands are still tucked in the pockets of his robe, but one feels heavier.

* * *

That night, Zuko feels the power of the moon. It calls to him as he imagines it would call a child of water. He inhales the scent of his room and shrugs his royal robes off to get ready for bed. As his robes fall to the floor, he hears something foreign fall too. He looks for the source and finds a necklace- Katara's necklace- a piece of paper is rolled with the string and covers her pendant.

It was real...

He reads the note and almost collapses to the floor.

"_You talk to the moon, I talk to the sun"_


	2. Chapter 2

Yue: yo

Katara: Yue is that you?

Yue: Si señorita

Katara: dead ass?

Yue: dead ass

Katara: ain't you dead tho?

Yue: this a spirit dream bruh. But listen Pham. This dude in the fire nation- hot as hell by the way- keeps talking to me and it's mad sad bruh

Katara: fo sho fo sho

Yue: he keeps talkin' about you and Agni says you talkin bout him too

Katara: Is you talkin' 'bout Zuko?

Yue: Deadass

Katara: well shit fam. Fuck me up.

Yue: anyways, ima give you the power to listen to him when he talkin' to da moon because I'm mad tired of his angsty boi vibes. Ya feel?

Katara: deadass.

Yue: sweet- by the way totes would smash.

Katara: wha-

* * *

Katara wakes up with a gasp. "What the fuck just happened?"

* * *

A/N: Okay. Obviously this isn't the actual chapter. But enjoy this crack piece that's kinda a preview into part two.

**Katara's reflections: coming soon.**


End file.
